Cowrite Screenwriting Contest Weekly Winners

Josh Helman Week 10: Josh Helman

Bio:

Josh Helman

Although an actor by trade, Josh Helman has been writing for many of his twenty-three years. He graduated in 2006 from the Queensland University of Technology with a Bachelor of Fine Arts - Acting, and is a self-proclaimed film aficionado. He would be the first to tell you that he watches far too many films, reads far too many scripts, and is in need of a good dose of Vitamin D. This is his first entry into any scriptwriting competition. Josh lives in Melbourne, Australia.

Why Josh’s entry won:

Josh's entry was extremely entertaining and he did a great job of condensing the action. Nothing in his submission was extraneous and it moved very quickly. Great conflict and action throughout and some good laughs. Jonas became the "spy" he needed to become in creative ways. A very inventive entry and fun conclusion to the script.

Christopher Valin Week 9: Christopher Valin

Where Christopher sees the story going:

Obviously it’s time to wrap things up, so all the remaining questions have to be answered and all the dangling plot threads have to be tied up. It’s also time for Jonas to step up. First he had a lot of help from Walters and Ava, then from Nora and Freddie, but he’s on his own now and he finally has a chance to prove he has what it takes to be a spy. I think it’s a given that with this type of story, Jonas will be successful in stopping Cable and getting the girl, so it’s mostly a matter of how that’s accomplished. I also believe that stopping Cable’s plans will be enough for the CIA to start Jonas on the path to being a spy.

Bio:

Christopher Valin

Christopher J. Valin is a high school social studies teacher in the Los Angeles area with a master’s degree in military history. He has had some success in screenwriting contests, including winning the Scriptwriters Network’s Producers Outreach Program contest, and making the finals in Scriptapalooza TV, the semi-finals in the Chesterfield Competition, the quarterfinals in the Nicholl, Scriptapalooza, and Scriptapalooza TV, and the top ten percent in the Austin Film Festival Screenwriting Competition. He also won week 3 of the Fanlib.com Kirk v. Picard screenwriting contest and chapter 16 of the L.A. Times collaborative novel, “Birds of Paradise.”

Why Christopher’s entry won:

Chris’s entry had a lot of action, was fun and engaging throughout and set us up for a very exciting conclusion. He left the story right where it needed to be, with the stakes high and everything riding on Jonas’ shoulders. Leaving Ava’s current whereabouts a mystery was a solid choice ripe with potential. Chris also did a good job of incorporating Truth Camp and bringing that full circle.

Tim Dragga
Week 8: Writing partners Tim Dragga & Jacob Michael

Jacob Michael

Where Tim and Jacob See the Story Going:

Okay. So now we’re rolling into act 3 and the options are plenty: Jonas, Nora, and Freddie, are dressed to the nines, have with them some unspecified supplies from the Spy Museum, and whatever stuff was in that last bag the women left on the subway. They know they’re heading to “Truth Camp.” They know the rendezvous is soon. And they know Cable isn’t working with the Chinese Government, but some shadowy group called C.H.Y.N.E.E.S.

What they don’t know is who this group that Cable has been working for is. And while they know the whole Julian/Conquest/Data Prism stuff isn’t what they’ve been told so far, they don’t know exactly how it’s all supposed to fit together.

The plan for Jonas et al. should be to break into Truth Camp, stop Julian/The Data Prism from falling into the wrong hands, free Walters and Ava, and capture/expose the bad guys. In the process they’ll learn who C.H.Y.N.E.E.S. are (and maybe what in the hell that stands for?) and what the real plan is for the Data Prism/Julian/Conquest is.

So it may be the most helpful to think about the next two sequences as four parts.

In the next 15 pages:
Part 1 is “The plan and The Break In.” Jonas, Nora, and Freddie come up with a plan for how they’re going to break into Truth Camp. This is the “unrolling of the blueprints” moment where we understand what they’re plan of attack is going to be – how’re they plan to break in, foil the villains’ plans, and save Walters and Ava. We should see Jonas, Freddie, and Nora each successfully performing their own important steps and operating as an effective team. This could also be the time when they’re able to eavesdrop on Cable and C.H.Y.N.E.E.S. and find out exactly what the Data Prism/Julian master plan is.

Part 2 is “The Wrinkle.” For whatever reason (Cable, Raul, McMann, getting the drop on them, one of our kids screwing up, a betrayal, the bad guys hold Nora or Freddie or both Hostage and Jonas has to give up) the second step in their plan goes to pot: While trying to break Walters and Ava out or while trying to steal Julian or the Prisim, what have you, our kids are made. Now they’re really all out of options. The jig is up. The game is over. At this point we know exactly who all the villains are and exactly what they plan to do, and it looks like they’re going to get away with it.

Then, in the final 15 pages:
Part 3 is “The Reversal and the Escape.” When all looks lost, this is where Jonas really has to think on his feet. It’s where we see that deep in his core, Jonas truly has the mind of an agent. Where Jonas was Walters’ fail-safe, Jonas had his own fail-safe and we’ll discover that he was thinking one step ahead of Cable and the villains. (Maybe it’s just a great bluff, maybe he’s playing their difference motivations against each other, maybe he hacked the mini-Conquest or Julian to send a live feed of the proceedings to the CIA and they’re waiting outside to storm the building). Whatever it is, now the jig is up on our villains. But not before Cable (or whoever our final villain turn out to be) makes a break for it with one thing that Jonas cares about (ex: Nora) and one thing that would still prove dangerous (ex: the data prism). Now it’s just Jonas and Walters working together in pursuit. Jonas proves his mettle, defeats Cable and recovers what he took. Everyone breathes a sign of relief. Part 4 is the denouement. How did it all wind up? What are the conclusions for our characters? Will Jonas get the girl? Will Jonas get fast tracked to becoming a spy? Will Nora’s dad be pissed about the car? Will Freddie ever make another raid? Will Walters and Ava get back together? Or will she lure him out of retirement? Will Jonas go to Truth Camp only to find Walters as his instructor? And will Jonas’ Mom find out about any of this? (Jonas never came home, after all, and it was a school night).

As far as the Data Prism/Julian/Conquest thing goes: These need to all fit together in a way that is much bigger and more threatening than previous intimated – it’s not just a possible new piece of soon to be obsolete military hardware – it’s something that threatens lives and global stability and that’s why this small group of people wants it. An interesting explanation could be that they plan the militarization of space. The fully constructed Conquest is the transport and Julian is a sophisticated AI that would form the “brain” of orbiting weapons platform. The “Data Prism” isn’t simply a storage for the Conquest’s plans – that’s only the top layer. It’s actually an incredibly dense form of frictionless crystalline data storage – containing several dozen petra bytes of information (all of Facebook is only about 7 petra bytes, for prespective) about Governments, defense systems, satellite positions.

If a small group was able to interface with an armed space flyer capable of taking down Governments’ satellites, etc, and if that armed flyer was capable of functioning independently of control from that group (like once assembled and launched, you’d actually have to destroy it), that group could extort/exert a considerable amount of influence from certain Governments. That’s just a though on how the stakes could be raised and unified.

Rich Schleich Week 7: Rich Schleich

Where Rich sees the story going:

I see Jonas, Nora and Freddie getting to Cable’s base and either getting the prism back or destroying the prism, or maybe the prism gets used and the mini conquest becomes fully operational and they have to stop it. We need to really see these three characters stick together to accomplish this. The history behind Cable, Ava and Walters should also come into focus.

Bio:

Rich Schleich

Rich Schleich was born and raised in central British Columbia, Canada. He and his father own and run a VW store. Like most writers he works during the day and writes evenings. Three years ago he had an idea for a story and a friend who is an aspiring director suggested he write a screenplay. "STORY" by Robert Mckee and "THE SCREENWRITERS BIBLE" by David Trottier gave him the necessary tools to begin screenwriting and he’s been writing ever since. Rich is looking forward to what Mr. Trottier has to say about his entry, good or bad, as any advice he has will be beneficial. Rich has had some success in his writing career thus far, with a few options and call-backs, but he hopes this week’s win will be a large stepping stone.

Why Rich’s entry won:

Rich's entry was extremely exciting and included a very well written action sequence which gave the script a nice punch in the arm. The nonstop action and conflict made his entry engaging and entertaining throughout. His action was also purposeful in that it separated Walters and Ava from the kids and did so in a thrilling, cinematic way. His pages also advanced the story through a series of unexpected complications and left Jonas, Freddie and Nora on their own with new goals and increased stakes.

Shane Laporte Week 6: Shane Laporte

Where Shane sees the story going:

The gang's all together again. At least for now. Ava wants to bring the data prism to the CIA's Director of Operations and get him involved, but Walters fears that that might spook Cable and McMann and send them underground. The data prism may be safe, but it's still only one piece of a very dangerous puzzle. Julian is still in the wrong hands, and might even be sold to the Chinese anyway. Another Conquest-type weapon can still be built (even based on the already built mini version) but Julian is rare and unique. And so the only real value the prism has right now is as bait to trap Cable and McMann to get Julian back in the hands of the home team.

I see this plan of action keeping things focused for a bit, and eventually bringing us to the end of Act two, where (of course) things go wrong and Cable and McMann end up with Julian and Conquest, and the heroes with their lives in danger.

I also see all this taking place in another locale. Shanghai might be cool, since that's where Cable's contacts are located. An exotic location could spice things up. Especially if Jonas and Nora end up somewhere by themselves. The next ten pages should at least have a scene with Jonas and Nora alone, developing their love story.

Bio:

Shane LaPorte

Located in Vancouver, British Columbia, Shane is a graduate of the Vancouver Film School's screenwriting program. He currently has the most challenging and rewarding job in the Universe, which is being a stay-at-home dad. In the evenings he sneaks away to late-night cafes to work on that future million-dollar spec screenplay and amaze the baristas with his remarkable two-finger typing abilities.

Why Shane’s entry won:

Shane’s entry deftly accomplished everything that needed to be accomplished to move the story forward and was thoroughly engaging throughout. His pages were light, fun, action-packed and his story turns were unexpected. Shane does a great job of writing tight scenes. Every beat has a purpose in moving the story forward. His pages definitely left us wanting to read more to find out the fate of these characters.

Tim Roberts Week 5: Tim Roberts

Bio:

Tim Roberts

Tim was born and raised in Sydney, Australia. After graduating, Tim worked as the National Sales booker for Columbia TriStar films for a few years followed by other sales and customer service related jobs. Tim then decided to explore the more creative side of the industry and applied for a place in the Australian Academy of Dramatic Art. After graduating from the academy in 2005 Tim started his professional career in acting.

Tim is also simultaneously pursuing writer and is just starting to get his work out there and noticed. He’s many short films, one of which he made, two full length plays and is just finishing up his second screenplay. He tries to write every day.

Steve Dexheimer Week 4: Steve Dexheimer

Where Steve sees the story going:

The players are set and the plot is in motion. Now it's time for this to become Jonas' story. He's been caught in a tidal wave of plot, reacting to these amazing events transpiring around him. We need to see him making decisions, see him propelling the story forward.

Harry is physically broken, and needs Jonas to be his hands and legs. Julian serves as the global eyes and ears of the team. Freddie provides the emotional (and comic) relief and Nora the moral compass.

As the story unfolds, the first part of Act Two will have Jonas trying to figure out who he can trust and what he needs to do to stop Cable. The second part of Act Two is a race to capture the plans before this meeting between Cable and the Chinese military. Cable’s motivations have been hinted at, and it may not be just money. There could be a political angle. He might see himself as an idealist. A revolutionary. Ava is still alive – she’s just too interesting, and the relationship she has with both Harry and Cable must be explored.

Bio:

Steven Dexheimer

Steven is a member of Writer’s Boot Camp, and was a finalist in the 2008 The Movie Deal screenwriting competition. He has twice been a finalist in the NYC Midnight Screenwriting Competition (2007 & 2008), and posted a second place finish in the MoviePoet.com competition (May 2008).

He holds a Bachelors degree in Theater, and an Associate degree in Film/Video Production.

In addition to being an aspiring screenwriter, Steven owns and operates an independent record label and is president of a music/artist management firm. He lives in Portland, Oregon.

Tony Martin Week 3: Tony Martin

Where Tony sees the story going:

The explosion changes everything. Ava dies, Walters is left incapacitated and emotionally devastated. Leaving Jonas and his friends responsible for stopping Cable from selling Conquest. Walters will be able to provide some direction and help, but success is pinned on Jonas' enthusiastic, yet clumsy shoulders. His mother enters the picture after the explosion next door and we start to understand what happened to his father. Jonas could face complications 'normal' spies don't with mounting conflict at school as well as struggles associated with getting the schematics into safe hands. His relationships with Freddie and Nora will be put to the test, for which Jonas will also seek guidance from Walters.

Bio:

Tony Martin

Tony graduated with a degree in Psychology from the University of Richmond. In July 2008, he quit a career as a restaurant exec to focus on writing full-time. He enrolled in an intensive screenwriting course at NYFA last November and his first script, "Griffith Park" has just been optioned by Carrie Holt de Lama. He's furiously working on other projects trying to build a resume of which the Cowrite win is a welcome addition. The contest's process is an amazing learning experience, but more importantly it's allowed Tony to re-connect with his inner high school nerd.

Lauren Hynek and Elizabeth Martin Week 2: Lauren Hynek & Elizabeth Marin

Where Lauren/Elizabeth see the story going:

Raul and his goons attack, sweeping Jonas up into the plot surrounding the obsidian bar. Walters and Ava are forced by circumstances to accept Jonas' help. When Jonas can finally go home again, we meet his very angry mom and discover what happened to his father. As the plot thickens and Jonas' and Nora's lives are threatened, he discovers that being a spy is harder and more dangerous than he ever imagined.

Bio:

Lauren Hynek and Elizabeth Martin

Lauren and Elizabeth are self-taught screenwriters – learning lots of stuff the hard way. Lauren graduated with a degree in psychology from Brown University. Elizabeth graduated with honors in drama from Stanford University. They've been friends since high school. They started working together in non-profit theater then made the transition to non-profit screenwriting. Actually winning something is a nice change of pace.

Tim Dragga
Week 1: Writing partners Tim Dragga & Jacob Michael

Jacob Michael

Where Tim and Jacob See the Story Going:

From “Coffee?” to the end of Act 1, Jonas beseeches Walters for help in becoming a spy, but discovers that Walters is part of the conspiracy surrounding the theft of the obsidian bar. So, heading into Act 2, we understand Jonas’ mission to be: retrieval and delivery of the obsidian bar to the intended recipient in order to protect national security. Jonas continues to attempt to solve problems on his own for now, but he’ll soon learn he needs to rely on and trust others, especially Nora and Freddie…and perhaps his dad, whom Jonas thinks is dead but is actually the Spy at the beginning of our story. We’ll start to wonder whether Walters and Jonas’ dad are good guys or bad guys, but hopefully good guys. And, Nora’s fate will be in jeopardy when she is linked to Jonas.

Bios:

Tim Dragga

Tim is a Neil Daniel Drama Contest winner and Kennedy Center/American College Theatre Festival Outstanding Playwright. His credits include stage productions of his two-act script "Two Feet Away and Shouting" and one act, "The Long Journey of A and B and What They Never Found When They Didn't Get There." Two short films of his have been produced: "Samarra" and "Slow Pitch," which was co-written with the ever-fabulous Angela Kang. He also co-created and co-wrote USC's first webisode series, "The Clean-Up Crew," with fellow USC student Scott Rickels. Episodes can be seen at funnyordie.com. Tim also thinks you look really good in that shirt, and he can tell you've been working out.

Jacob Michael

Jacob taught Writing and British Literature at Abilene Christian University and also worked as a freelance book editor. Prior to that, he had a career as a Youth Minister, working at churches in South Carolina, Michigan, and most recently Alabama before moving his family out to Los Angeles when he was accepted into USC’s Screenwriting MFA program. And as far as shirts go, Jacob prefers greens and browns, but if you really want to wear that….